My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
