I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
