True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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