shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
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I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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