I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
