So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
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He passed out mid-signature
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
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I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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