Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
