just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
