i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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