separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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