That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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