"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
