So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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