return my video game
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Buhtt sex?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
