Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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