I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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