I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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