i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
