She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
