Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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