was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
