just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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