I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
His nipple licking is glorious
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