i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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