3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
