he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
