Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
