If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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