I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
