Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
