someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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