Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
