My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
