This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
