I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
vagina is talking i cant
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
