And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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