your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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