we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
