We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
