Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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