we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
