I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
