I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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