naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Randomize
