the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
false alarm. still invincible.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
