he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
