end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
