All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize