i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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