Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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