I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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