chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
we should paint friendship bongs
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
