hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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