At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it's great music for shaving your balls
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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