My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
