why didn't you poke me back
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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