I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
is it fun? or sober?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
