His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
