Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize